Surgery Humor

Psalm 30:2 (NIV)

 Lord my God, I called to you for help,

    and you healed me.

I thought today on my surgery day would be a great day for some Doctor/ health humor. I hope you get at least a chuckle out of these.

1) Long and Short of the Problem

Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.

After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?'

Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analyzed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'

2) Struck Down?

Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'

Ronan stuttered, 'But I love tea.

The doctor replied, 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'

3) Time Cures

'Doctor Mayo,' John says, 'Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right.'

'Then wait for half an hour before getting up,' replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.

4) Home - Or Away?

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. 'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital.'

5) Father - Or Son?

Iain speaks frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.'

'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries.

'No, you idiot.' Iain shouts. 'This is her husband.'

  

6) Keep Taking the Medicine

Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.

Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?

Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'

7) Quick Diagnosis

Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'

Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!' 

8) What Vision

Amy to X-ray technician after swallowing some money:

'Do you see any change in me?'

Dear Lord, we thank You for the doctors and nurses and all those whom You have called to study and practice the skill of healing the sick and the prevention of disease and pain. We pray that You will continue to give them the wisdom and Strength to use the skills You have given to them. In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.